Oh what pun! — Clergy and real estate

Beware of gamblers in clerical clothing, parishioners in luxurious hats, and preachers that get long-winded.

The Saratogian notes the fact that a clerical looking gentleman attending the races divided his attention equally between the race programme and a pocket edition of the scriptures. He may have been studying the hospitality of the prophets.” — The Granville Sentinel, Aug. 16, 1877

“A silk hat covers a multitude of sins.” — Lake George Mirror, Aug. 17, 1915

The Rev. G.T. Dawling of Cleveland said he kept his sermons to about 30 minutes, The Morning Star reported on March 18, 1885.

“I think sermons and prayers ought to be the shortest distance between two points. When I started out to preach, my father said to me: ‘George, it is a great better to leave off just when everybody wants you to than it is to keep on till everybody gets spiritual dyspepsia.”

Real estate agents and retail stores were topics of newspaper humor, too.

“A friend in deed — the real estate agent.” — The Granville Sentinel, March 19, 1886.

“It is some satisfaction to argue with the man who holds a grab mortgage on your homestead. He is always ready to accept your premises.” — The Granville Sentinel, Feb. 26, 1886

“A woman is keeping in a book a list of things she ought to purchase but cannot afford to wear. She calls the book her ought-to-buy-ography.” — The Granville Sentinel, April 23, 1866

“A promising young man — One who gets his clothing on credit.” — The Morning Star, Dec. 2, 1884

“Why is there nothing like leather? — Because it is the sole support of man.” — The Granville Sentinel, May 14, 1886

“A new make of stove is called ‘The Infant.” It is not supposed to be a self-feeder.” — The Granville Sentinel, Feb. 26, 1886.

A few more assorted puns

“A near-sighted man can be in the best of health and yet look badly.” — The Morning Star, Jan. 14, 1885

“When is a farmer like a tailor? — When he sows a corn patch.” — The Morning Star, Jan. 27, 1885

“The best kind of servants for hotel — inn-experienced.” — The Granville Sentinel.

And a fish story

“The biggest fish story of the season is to the effect that a speckled trout weighing twenty-one pounds was recently caught in Lake Pleasant — a pleasant fiction, we suspect. Where’s Adirondack Murray?” — The Granville Sentinel, July 12, 1877

Click here to read my most recent previous “Oh what pun!” post.

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Maury Thompson

Freelance history writer and documentary film producer from Ticonderoga, NY